Tag: Nun of Annwn

The Challenges of Taking a Polytheistic Monastic Name

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In the mainstream religions it is traditional for monastics to take a monastic name when they are ordained into a monastery on taking their vows.

When Christians monks and nuns take temporary vows they take a new name. This must be the name of a saint, monastic or Old Testament figure. The name is preceded by ‘brother’ or ‘sister’ as they see each other as family. For example Brother David, Sister Mary, Brother John. Three choices are handed to the Abbot who makes the final decision on the name.

Buddhist monastics are given a Dharma name, usually by the head of the monastery or by their teacher, and may have several different names during a lifetime. For example Shinran’s first name was Matsuwakamaru and his other monastic names were Hanen, Shakku, Zenshin, Gutoku Shinran and Kenshin Daeshi.

In Hindiusm monastics also take a new name when initiated by a guru. For example Paramahansa Yogananda was born Mukunda Lal Ghosh.

When a monastic name is taken it symbolises giving up one’s old identity, wealth and ties with family and friends to enter the community of the monastery. One’s secular life is renounced for a religious life.

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Modern Polytheism began to emerge in the 1960s and to grow in the 1990s. Polytheistic monasticism has developed more recently with the first book, Polytheistic Monasticism: Voices from the Pagan Cloisters, published in 2022. It has precedents in Pagan and Druidic monasticism.

The only physical Pagan monastery in existence is the Matreum of Cybele. Online Druidic monastic organisations include the Order of the Sacred Nemeton and Gnostic Celtic Church Monastery. Unfortunately I couldn’t find any information on their websites about whether monastics are required to take a monastic name or if they renounce their former life in any way.

In Paganism, more widely, it is common to take a craft name or magical name. This can be chosen through contemplating which animals, herbs, myths and Deities one has an affinity with or can be gifted by the Gods and spirits. Some well known examples are Greywolf, Starhawk, Bobcat, Robin Herne and Nimue Brown. This is used in the Pagan community and does not involve changing one’s identity and ties with secular sociey in which one’s regular name is retained.

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I am a Brythonic Polytheist and received my monastic name from my patron God, Gwyn ap Nudd, before I took vows as a nun. It started as a joke. Lockdown reawakened my longings for a monastic life. I’m an incredibly impatient person and, when I was being impatient with the weeds, Gwyn chided me, “Sister Patience.” I took it as a challenge, telling him “I will become Sister Patience.” It was a self-fulfilling prophecy for three years later I founded the Monastery of Annwn and took vows by that name.

For me the shift in name and identity from Lorna Smithers to Sister Patience has been a gradual one. I first started using my monastic name in the monastery only, then, as I began to change and grow to own it, I renamed my blog ‘The Cell of Sister Patience’ using it more widely in online spaces.

In February 2024 I was faced with the decision of whether to return to a regular job, which would have meant staying as Lorna Smithers and likely returning to old habits like shopping and drinking due to the stress and having more money, or to fully commit to a monastic life as Sister Patience.

My ability to choose the latter was made possible by mum offering to support me financially if my savings run out before I have found a way of supporting myself through a combination of writing and spiritual work.

This gave me the security to take the step of using my monastic name in all my communities, keeping my birth name only for financial and legal purposes.

It hasn’t been an easy process. Everyone who knows me knows I’m very impatient, thus Sister Patience would be the last name they would call me. My mum’s first reaction was, “I’m not calling you that!” before I explained. She still keeps calling me Lorna or, bizarrely, Beatrice, but is getting better. My dad won’t use it. My uncle on my mum’s side and his partner have been accepting. Most of my friends and the horticultural groups I volunteer with along with my personal trainer at the gym have been supportive. 

As a polytheistic monastic without a physical monastery it is impossible for me to make the break with the secular world made by other monastics. Ethically I am currently unable to make such a break as my eldery parents are dependent on me for support around the house and in the garden. 

Instead I strive to live as monastically as I can considering my circumstances. I serve my Gods through my spiritual practices and creativity and treat my room as a monastic cell and my home and garden as a monastery. My engagement with the wider world is limited to occassionally seeing friends for a walk and / or a brew and to attending spiritual groups. I don’t use social media and limit my online time to engaging with others for spiritual discussions and research for my writing along with learning yoga.

Taking a monastic name hasn’t changed how I am around people. I’m not putting on airs and graces. I’m not pretending to be something I’m not. I still swear. I still get angry. I still get impatient. But, looking back, not quite so much. There is power in taking a name and perhaps, one day, I will live up to it.

Defining my Role as a Nun of Annwn

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At the Monastery of Annwn we do not have a set definition of the role of a monastic devotee or any rules except to follow the Rule of the Heart (1). Our ethos is egalitarian and our paths are fluid and led by the Gods and spirits. However, as I step into deeper commitment to becoming a nun of Annwn, I feel drawn to define my personal role.

What is a Polytheistic Monastic?

I will begin by citing the existing definition of a polytheistic monastic from Janet Munin in Polytheistic Monasticism: Voices from the Pagan Cloisters.

‘Monastics are those who have taken solemn vows to live centred on their relationship with one or more Holy Power. Anything which impedes or compromises that relationship is left behind or minimised as much as possible. They are renunciates, offering up wealth, social status, a conventional career, and family life on the altar of devotion.’

This is echoed and expanded upon later on: 

‘The monastic’s life is focused on devotion to one or more Holy Powers, usually formalised with vows. Because of this focus, the monastic practices some agree of asceticism, removing distractions to spiritual life which are taken for granted by others: wealth acquisition, social life, social media consumption, etc.

‘The monastic lives according to a Rule or other structure which supports and reinforces their vowed life. Some of these are formal, breaking each day and season down into deliberate, repetitive order. Contemplation, prayer, study, worship, chores, rest and recreation all have a place and are engaged in deliberately, at the appropriate time. Others are less formal and detailed, but still serve as a mindful framework for the monastic’s daily life.’ 

Here we see, first and foremost, what defines a polytheistic monastic is leading a life of devotion centred on one or more Deities formalised by vows. For me this perfectly defines the heart of polytheistic monasticism. I’m also in agreement with the description of living by a rule and leading a structured life.

I agree a little less with the stress on renunciation. This is because renunication is a negative word. Its origins lie in the Latin renuntiare ‘protest against’. It carries overtones of negativity and against-ness and in my experience acting against most often causes undue conflict and waste of energy.

I propose instead a different word, ‘sacrifice’, which might sound more extreme with its connotations of offering one’s most precious things, desires, ambitions, at the most extreme end one’s life to the Gods. Yet, when we look at the root of the word we find a more positive sense than renouncing or giving up. The term originates from sacer ‘holy’ (2) and facere ‘to make, do’. Thus to sacrifice is to make holy all aspects of our lives for the Gods.

I do not agree, particularly when at present polytheistic monastics do not have the support of fellow devotees in a physical monastery, that it is healthy to renounce ties to family and friends unless they are insurmountable impediments to a monastic life. I think, instead, we should strive to sacredise these relationships and bring our devotion and inspiration into the lives of others.

I do agree that the rules and norms of modern capitalist Western society (ie. consumerism which brings about the exploitation of the earth and the underworld and social media which causes distractions that prevent communion with the Gods and the Deep) should be renounced because they are antithetical to the sacred and cannnot possibly be sacredised.

My personal working definition of a polytheistic monastic is as follows:

‘A polytheistic monastic leads a life centred on devotion to one or more Deities formalised by vows. This is supported by a rule and the order and discipline of daily, monthly and seasonal practices including prayer, meditation and ritual. It is a life of sacrifice, in the sense of making holy all acts and relationships as an offering to the Gods.’ 

What is a Monastic Devotee of Annwn?

When I founded the Monastery of Annwn in 2022 its main purpose was to provide ‘a virtual space and place of sanctuary for those who worship and serve the Gods and Goddesses of Annwn’.

This has been achieved. We number twelve members with several living under vows. We communicate through a private forum and have a monthly online check-in and run open online meditations and seasonal rituals.

We are bound as a monastery by our Nine Vows and the Rule of the Heart, along with daily and monthly prayers (many of which have been co-written and include a new moon prayer and a novena practice over the full moon) and our ritual year based around the mythos of our patron God, Gwyn ap Nudd.

Where Annuvian monasticism differs from more traditional forms is its combination of contemplative and meditative practices with the shamanic and ecstatic practices of spiritwork and journeying to Annwn. Devotional creativity, questing and sharing awen ‘inspiration’, is also central.

Whereas communication with underworld Gods and spirits and ancestors and artistic expression along with physical exercise are banned or restricted in other traditions these are encouraged in our monastery as sacred.

My personal working definition of a monastic devotee of Annwn is as follows: 

‘A monastic devotee of Annwn leads a life centred on devotion to one or more Gods and Goddesses of Annwn formalised by Nine Vows and the Rule of the Heart. Life is structured by daily and monthly prayers and seasonal rituals. By a balance of contemplative and shamanic practices (3) sacred relationships are formed with all beings in the world and the spirits of the Deep. Each devotee is an awenydd, questing awen, and sharing it in community.’ (4)

What is my role as a Nun of Annwn?

I see my role as a nun of Annwn as having many aspects. These have shown themselves as I have walked my path, from serving an apprenticeship to Gwyn as an awenydd, taking lifelong vows to Him, to becoming a nun. 

Devotee – At the heart of my path lies my devotion to Gwyn and I also venerate His family and my local river Goddess and spirits and the ancestors.

Inspired One – I first served Gwyn and other Brythonic deities and the spirits of my local landscape as an inspired poet and storyteller bringing their little-known myths and tales back to the world. This has changed slightly since I became a nun for I now primarily create devotional poems, songs and art.

Spiritworker – When I met Gwyn He taught me to journey in spirit with Him to Annwn and introduced me to the spirits of His magical realm. This is an ongoing process of building relationships and deepening into mystery. I also strive to build good relationships with the spirits of my home, garden, and local land. My ancestral guide is Orddu. With her I am learning to speak with the voices of spirits as recorded by Gerald of Wales amongst the awenyddion.

Wisdom-Keeper – This refers to my researching and sharing Annuvian lore.

Strong Vessel – For the strength to hold the awen I maintain the disciplines of a regular meditation practice including breathwork and physical exercise such as running and strength training along with yoga which combines both.

Guide of Souls – This is a newer role which Gwyn told me I must step into when I took initial vows. I have already been fulfilling it and continue to do so by my writing. More formally I have begun offering one-to-one soul guidance sessions for other people. I occassionally act as a guide to those passing through the Otherworld and between worlds too.

Sacristan – I first came across this term in the work of of fellow polytheistic Danica Swanson who runs Black Stone Sanctuary (5) but only recently realised it fits my vocation. For me it refers to someone who tends sacred spaces. I see it to include my altars and monastic cell and to be expandable to my home and garden (which I am striving to treat as a monastery). I also see it to relate to my work building and administering the Monastery of Annwn and to co-organising and often leading rituals and meditations.

In each of these roles I serve Gwyn and the Spirit of the Monastery. Although one or more might come to the forefront at certain times and others be backgrounded they are all inspired by the breath of awen and heartbeat of Annwn. I expect there to be more challenges and changes as I grow into the role.

(1) To follow our hearts in alignment with the heart of Annwn.
(2) When I saw sacre translated as ‘holy’ it made me smile as Gwyn’s name means ‘white, blessed, holy’ and I like to think when we sacrifice, when we make sacred, we make things a little more Gwyn. 
(3) I first saw the terms ‘contemplative and shamanic’ used together to describe the way of Mycogenous Dionysus by Dver and thought how well this fits with Annuvian monasticism too. https://forestdoor.wordpress.com/2023/10/02/mycogenous/
(4) Community can be human and / or other-than human.
(5) https://blackstonesanctuary.substack.com/

Pioneering with Birch

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Birch. From the Proto-European bhereg ‘to shine, bright, white.’ Bedwen in Welsh. Beithe in Irish. The first letter in the ogham alphabet. I haven’t been drawn to working with ogham much but the associations between birch and new beginnings have long resonated for birch is a pioneer tree. Always the first to colonise new ground, leading the way for other trees, larger woods.

There’s a particular narrow strip of birch wood I like to visit, on the side of an old tram road, next to what was once a gas works, now a new housing estate. In spite of this the trees seem to dance. It’s a place where unique fungi associated with birch can be found such as birch polypore and fly agaric.

I made a new beginning this year and am prompted for aid to turn to birch. I’m drawn to a forked birch whose twin trunks remind me of the two things I’ve been inspired to bring together this year: flowers and feathers, horticulture and shamanic healing, grounding and soul flight.

I spend some talking and listening with the birch and am shown a vision of the wind blowing birch catkins into the future and told that I must ‘dream on.’

Dream on, dream on… I realise I must dream bigger… that these two aims must serve my larger dream of becoming a nun of Annwn – a guide of souls.

Following a session with my spiritual mentor overnight I’m gifted the idea of soul guidance one-to-ones then, in divination, the butterfly image for it. 

On the new moon I make the launch and pray to birch for aid chanting her name. In vision I become one with her, beautiful, strong, ready for the sap to flow.

In this month’s Way of the Buzzard Mystery School journey circle the topic is ‘preparing new ground’ and we are working with birch, rowan or alder. The birch calls to me again and I receive some transfomative insights – ‘a nun of Annwn is a pioneer species’. I must ‘prepare new ground for others’, for ‘a new woodland’, ‘move forward’, ‘root deep’, and ‘not turn back’.

I realise it’s time to step fully into my role as a nun of Annwn. Rather than returning to a secular job and remaining stuck as Lorna Smithers to give myself fully to my calling from the Gods and put everything into becoming Sister Patience. To making the Monastery of Annwn a reality both online and in the physical world.*

Pioneering with birch I have begun using my monastic name for all communications aside from financial and legal. Most of my community know now – there is no turning back.

*This has become possible because my mum has offered to help me out financially if I run out of savings before finishing my shamanic healing course in three years time. I was hoping to find paid work in horticulture but ran into the same barriers for a horticultural project officer job as for conservation due to the limitations with my autism around people management and multitasking. I also realised a physical job in a plant nursery or as a gardener would not last due to my knee problems as I can’t kneel for long and at forty-two am not getting any younger. I was thinking about cleaning again but knew longterm it would have a negative impact on my mental heath. So I asked my mum for help and she agreed rather than see me stressed again. I will be continuing to volunteer in horticulture as a way of giving back to land and community.

Soul Guidance

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When I became a nun of Annwn my patron God, Gwyn ap Nudd, told me I would be a guide of souls. As a Brythonic polytheist who has served Gwyn as an awenydd ‘person inspired’ for over ten years and holds both research-based and experiential knowledge I am now stepping into that role.

I am offering guidance in the form of one-to-one sessions on: 

*Brythonic Gods and Goddesses
*Annwn (the Brythonic Otherworld / Faery)
*Gwyn ap Nudd and the spirits of Annwn
*The Witches of Annwn (Orddu and her lineage)
*Building a devotional practice
*Crafting prayers, poems, poetry, chants, songs

Rather than teaching you to do things my way I will be helping you access your own inner guidance and build personal relationships with the Gods and spirits. Sessions can include discussion, explorations of mythology and folklore, prayer, meditation, ritual, divination and creativity and will be tailored to suit your needs and the will of the Gods. They will take place by video call or in your home or garden if you are local (£10 for 30 mins and £15 for 1 hour).

For a free informal discussion contact: lornasmithers81@gmail.com

A Monastic Cell

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A monastic cell should be a santuary and not a prison.

I’m not the kind of nun who bricks herself in 
(although those who do might find 
a greater freedom). 

I am a nun with a horse within who likes to run, 
hounds to hunt, crows to converse with the living and dead.

I caretake this space as a cell within the body
of this place, of this world, of this universe, of Annwn.

I listen for the heartbeat and obey only the Rule of the Heart.

New Shoots and Rerooting

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In the middle of winter new shoots begin to show – snowdrop, crocus, daffodil, bluebell. I’m not sure if this has always been the case. But for the last six or so years one of my mid-winter rituals has been looking for new shoots.

New shoots have been showing in my life too. I’m starting to recover from the disappointment of In the Deep not being publishable and have come to terms with the fact the veto on my becoming a professional author is for good.

Before the winter solstice I attended a beautiful in-person workshop called Bear Moon Dreaming with my spiritual mentor, Jayne Johnson, in which she led a small group through shamanic journeying and dancing into connection with bear, the moon, and into the depths of the winter landscape and hibernation. In it I became one with the Water Country and Gwyn as Winter King giving gifts to the people.

Afterwards I realised I couldn’t live my life online anymore. Spending most of my day writing at my laptop and living through this blog has not been healthy. 

Around the same time the forum for the Monastery of Annwn got deleted by the member who set it up without consent of the rest of the membership. I was shocked and angry but also a little relieved as I had been spending too much time online doing admin*. When I journeyed on what to do about it I found the monastery hanging by a thread in the Void and with my guides and other animals had to drag it back to the Forest of Annwn and reroot it. This became a metaphor for both what the monastery needs and I need too.

I spent the last moon cycle praying and discerning my future course. I received two answers and the first was that I needed to return to outdoor work. Previously I had been working in conservation and done a little horticulture and since then had been continuing to grow plants. 

I have slowly been developing a relationship with Creiddylad as a Goddess of flowers with whom I have been working to improve our garden and the wildflower area in Greencroft Valley where I have volunteered since 2012. 

So I have started volunteering with Let’s Grow Preston and Guardians of Nature with the hope this will lead to paid work. I feel horticulture will sit well with my vocation as monastics traditionally labour several hours in their gardens.

My second answer was to train to become a shamanic practitioner. This fit with my having been journeying with Gwyn for over ten years to bring back inspiration from Annwn to my communities and with my practicing core shamanism with the Way of the Buzzard and more recently with Jayne.

It’s something I’ve considered in the past but have been put off because I don’t feel good enough and have doubted whether I have it in me to be a healer.

Yet Gwyn has made it clear I must take this step and has assuaged my doubts. In relation to my presupposition, ‘I don’t have a healing bone in my body’, He reminded me of the time I had a similar thought, ‘I can’t grow things because everything I touch dies’, yet then got good at growing plants. He told me healing is a skill that lies within me and it is time to manifest it. 

He also explained ‘it is like the transition between bard and vates’. I’ve been ‘the bard in the meadhall’. Giving up drinking has been for the purpose of clearing my head so I can hear the voices of the subtler spirits. Only I won’t later be becoming a druid but a nun of Annwn – an entirely new vocation.

Thus the new shoots push up through the surface and I see how to reroot. By getting my hands back in the soil through horticulture and working towards becoming a shamanic practitioner to heal both myself and others.

I will also be continuing to blog here about my journey and sharing devotional material as service to my Gods and for my patrons and wider readership.

*It turned out this wasn’t a bad thing as it has given us the chance to start looking for a better forum and share the administrative workload more fairly.

On Not Feeling Monastic Enough

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During my discernment process around my temporary vows I have been struggling with not feeling monastic enough. Worrying our vows at the Monastery of Annwn are too ‘lite’. That I haven’t suffered enough, sacrificed enough, that my life of devotional creativity is too much like fun.

Reflecting on whether my life is monastic enough in relation to other traditions such as Benedictine and Carmelite Christians who pray Divine Office seven times a day I asked Gwyn by divination whether He is happy for me to continue focusing on devotional creativity or if he wanted me to give up more of my time to regulated prayer. I received the following answer.

For myself as querent (centre) I got 7 of Arrows Insecurity. This suggested my asking this question is based on insecurities around not feeling monastic enough.

For creativity (left) I first got Ace of Arrows – The Breath of Life. A clear sign this is where my inspiration lies. Secondly 1. The Shaman. A powerful card showing I must continue to bring wisdom from the Otherworld through my writing. Thirdly King of Bows – Adder representing magical and serpentine energies and the snakes and serpents prominent in my books. 

For shifting focus to contemplative prayer in a formal monastic way I first got 7 of Vessels – Mourning. This shows I am mourning having no existing tradition to follow in relation to my questions about spiritual direction. Secondly 2 of Vessels – Attraction. Rather than looking to more formal traditions I should keep my focus on the relationship between Gwyn (the stag-headed man) and Creiddylad (the horse-headed woman) and their relationship and the Heart of Annwn. Thirdly 8. Stag. I should remain focused on Gwyn and my shamanistic path as an awenydd (represented by stag and drum).

Shortly afterwards Gwyn asked me why, when I have my devotional relationship with Him and all the Otherworld to explore, I’m hankering after Christianity for guidance rather than asking Him and journeying for answers. He asked me to give up looking to Christianity and I agreed. 

A scary thing about this was when I was researching Christian prayer my horse and hound spirits disappeared from my life and I didn’t notice until I made my agreement with Gwyn and they returned to me afterwards on my run.

On further reflection I have been thinking about how the restrictions and rules of Christianity drive us towards physical and mental self-flagellation and cutting off parts of ourselves, in acts of martyrdom, in aspiration to saint-like ideals. Not good particularly if you’ve got a history of self-harm.

In contrast shamanistic traditions encourage us to be whole. To recover the soul parts we have cut off, that have been cut off from us through centuries of Christianity and more recently by industrialisation, rationalism, science, capitalism. 

To undo our internalisation of harmful social constructs and to heal. 

Our environmental crisis is underpinned by one of spiritual crisis. As Paul Francis describes it ‘an epidemic of soul loss’*. Our being cut off from the land and its spirits and the Gods has led to the hegemony of the exploitative world view that has allowed the ravaging of the earth that has brought about climate change to happen.

These insights have led me to see that if I am to be a polytheistic monastic and have a leading role in the development of the Monastery of Annwn I must put aside existing ideals that are harmful and focus on those that help us heal.

My work in relation to soul loss is reclaiming the myths of the deities of Annwn (the Brythonic Otherworld/Underworld) from demonisation by Christianity. Exposing the wounds and also working towards healing them.

Thus filling the myth-shaped and God-shaped holes**, the voids at the heart of modernity, that drive our endless consumption and consumerism.

Is this monastic enough? Is this monasticism? Perhaps not as we know it. 

Yet Gwyn has told me I am a nun of Annwn and this ‘title’ refers to my depth of devotion and service to Him. That it is fitting for one who lives a life centred on Him and to the awen from His cauldron.

I feel that in my soul I have always been a nun and this essential part of my being has been denied to me by society and my internalisation of society’s norms and accepting and becoming it is now the core of my journey.

*In his video on ‘Soul Loss and Soul Retrieval’ HERE.
**Terms used by myth teller Martin Shaw in a number of his video appearances on Youtube.

Nun of Annwn Morning and Evening Devotions

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These are the morning and evening devotions I have developed over the past year living as a nun of Annwn honouring my patron God, Vindos/Gwyn ap Nudd and His family and my local deities and spirits and my ancestors. It has become important that Gwyn’s name is the first thing I speak when I wake up and the last thing I speak before I go to bed.

Morning Devotions

Opening

3 deep breaths

Gwyn ap Nudd, 
White Son of Mist, 
I, Sister Patience, 
nun of Annwn, 
come this morning 
to honour You, 

my horse inside me, 
my hounds beside me, 
my crows behind me.

Song: 

Vindos*, Holy Vindos,
You are my patron, inspiration and my truth.

Vindos, Holy Vindos, 
make me yours in deep Annwn.

Prayer for at-one-ment with Vindos/Gwyn:

My breath with Your breath,
my heart with Your heart,
my feet on Your path,
You and I as one.

Breathwork meditation aligning my breath and heartbeat with the Heart of Annwn (Gwyn’s heart)

Thanksgiving prayer: 

I give thanks to the Spirit of Monastery of Annwn.

I give thanks for this monastic cell where I come in devotion to the Gods and Goddesses of Annwn, practice my practices, incubate my dreams and visions. 

I give thanks to the people who support the monastery and pray for… (space for prayers for members who need support).

I give thanks to my ancestors of spirit, land and blood and to my parents for me being here. 

I give thanks to the guardian of this place, to the spirits of this house, of our garden, to all the trees, plants and creatures, to Greencroft Valley, Fish House Brook, this land of Penwortham, to Belisama, Goddess of the Ribble. 

I give thanks to the spirits of my gym and the people who support me there.

I give thanks for my health.

I give thanks to Ceridwen, Old Mother Universe, from whose crochan (womb / cauldron) the stars were born.

I give thanks to Anrhuna, Mother of Annwn, Dragon Mother, to Your dragon children for shaping this land, to Your womb for bringing life. 

I give thanks to Kraideti/Creiddylad for flowers and fertility. 

I give thanks to Nodens/Nudd and the weather shapers for today’s weather.

I give thanks to Vindos/Gwyn for guiding and gathering the dead.

Prayer to Gwyn:

I Hail You in the Morning HERE.

Meditation

Prayer for Awen

Either Annuvian Awen HERE or Prayer to Gwyn for Awen HERE.

~

Evening Devotions

Opening (replacing ‘morning with evening’), song, prayer for at-one-ment and breathwork meditation as above

Prayer to Gwyn: 

I Hail You in the Evening HERE.

Communion with Gwyn reflecting on my day. 

Song for Gwyn: 

All My Devotion HERE. 

Drumming – slow heartbeat – the beat of the Heart of Annwn.

Cleansing of body and energy centres.

Prayer and communion with Nodens:

I give thanks to you, Nodens, Lord of Dreams, for this sanctuary of sleep and for the dreams you gift me. These were last night’s dreams… I pray to you for a good night’s sleep and for dreams from the Deep.

Guide me through the land of dream and back to waking the next day my Lord Gwyn.

*Vindos is the Romano-British name of Gwyn and also means ‘White, Blessed’.

Being a Nun of Annwn – A Life of Devotional Creativity

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A year ago I took my initial vows as a nun at the Monastery of Annwn. I am  now preparing to take temporary vows and have been considering how living by our nine vows and rule and being part of a monastic community have shaped my life and brought me closer to my Gods over the past year.

Our first vow is ‘to abide by the values of devotion and inspiration’. At the Monastery of Annwn we differ from other monastic traditions in that an equal amount of value is given to contemplative practice and to creativity. 

Throughout the year I have done my best to keep focused on these values. I’ve maintained my morning and evening devotions (vow three) to my patron God, Gwyn ap Nudd, His family and my local deities. Through meditation and journeywork I have deepened my relationship with Gwyn and my Gods (vow six).

I’ve found much of the deepening of my relationship with Gwyn has come from the process of writing my books reimagining His story – The King of Annwn Cycle. Through journeying with Him beyond His known myths into His unknown boyhood to find out how He became King of Annwn I have walked with him, borne witness to the numinous events that have shaped Him. This has felt like an immense and a wondrous privilege and I also feel privileged to be able to share this with others in the form of the books.

Caretaking a sacred space (vow three) in my monastic cell has been a pleasure and an honour and I am striving to treat our house as a monastery. Going about my chores more mindfully and prayerfully. And treating our garden, where I grow herbs, wildflowers and some food, as a monastic garden.

I’ve had some minor conflicts around vows seven and eight – ‘to take care of my health’ and ‘to live simply and sustainably’. Running and strength training are important for my well being as an autistic person with high anxiety but are costly in terms of buying running shoes every six months and belonging to a commercial gym and paying my personal trainer (whose sessions are well worth the money in terms of learning and progressing and staying injury free).

In all other ways I keep vow eight – I do my best to eat local produce, recycle, only buy clothes if I need them, don’t travel, don’t socialise. As my training is bound up with my spiritual path in terms of becoming a strong vessel for the inspiration of my Gods and closer to Gwyn as a warrior and hunter and He encourages it I am allowing myself these excesses.

I have ironically found the vow which is closest to my heart – ‘to keep the Rule of the Heart’ – the hardest. Our rule is to follow our hearts in alignment with the hearts of the Gods and the beat of the Heart of Annwn. It has taken a lot of quandry to discern what is in my heart and what the Gods want.

On a number of occasions I have made mistakes and almost taken the wrong path on the basis of trying to do what I think society wants or what will make money. During this discernment process I have received the gnosis that I am ‘an inspirer not a teacher’ and must focus on my devotional life and creativity rather than attempting to teach workshops and courses. 

Following my heart has led me to see my calling as one of devotional creativity.

Vows five and nine  are to pray and check in regularly with other members and to play an active role in building the monastery. We are developing practices such as our co-written New Moon Prayer and Novena Prayer for Gwyn over the nine nights of the full moon. We have begun celebrating seasonal festivals based on Gwyn’s mythos and have a monthly meditation group.

Praying, meditating, celebrating, and communing with other monastic devotees on our forum has helped me feel less alone and it has been inspiring to learn how others interact with and perceive the Deities of Annwn. 

I have also been considering whether I am closer to earning my monastic name Sister Patience. I am still very very impatient in relation striving to get things done as quickly as possible and being unable to relax until they are done. 

Writing a novel for Gwyn has been an important lesson in learning patience. In contrast to poetry and short stories it is a long process not only in terms of the greater word count but the reworking and editing to make it a coherent whole. So has building the monastery as a collaborative project. In this I’m trying to learn to let go and trust the Gods and other members and to allow it to grow organically rather than attempting to push and force the pace. My slow progress in other areas – from breathing meditation and yoga to my running and strength training have all been steps towards patience too.

I will be taking temporary vows (for three years) on the new moon on the 14th of October.

The Distant Island and Coming Home

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A week ago a journey undertaken for me by my spiritual mentor, Jayne Johnson, led me to meditating on a distant island within a ruined clochán. To a vision of a ‘last nun’ bricked up within a corbel stone hut with the birds of the sea and an eagle, a raven, and an owl bringing her food and stories. Alone, but for the crashing of the tides, of the calling of the gulls. Her own breath.

The next time I set out to meditate on this island I found a part of myself resisting and instead wanting to root into my home, my garden, specifically to go to our raspberry patch, to taste a raspberry, to watch the insects. 

Then, the next time I tried to depart, I was posed the question of whether I could physically give up my home, my possessions, my comforts – regular meals, my running, my gym, to exist on gifts of food and stories in that far off place.

My answer was ‘no’ and as I spoke it I felt that place being shut off for me. A crash of thunder. A dark veil coming down. Access forbidden. My connection gone.

It left me feeling inferior to those who were able to make those sacrifices. To those proper monks and nuns. Then I heard another voice telling me it’s ok to ‘come home’ and recognised it as belonging to Old Mother Universe, Ceridwen.

There is a longstanding traditon of going far away, doing extreme things, to have spiritual experiences. The Desert Fathers. The peregrini. The anchoresses who bricked themselves up. Those who go to Peru to take ayahuasca or take to the Welsh mountains or Devonian moors for wilderness fasts.

It’s not something I’ve felt the need to do or feel that it would be psychologically safe for me to do as an autistic person prone to anxiety attacks and melt downs who already exists too close to the edge of madness. 

A little like Alice I’m able to imagine a thousand impossible things before breakfast. My challenge has not been accessing non-ordinary experiences but discerning what comes from my own mind and what comes from the Gods. 

For that I need to be rooted in the land where I live, in my routine of devotional practices to my Gods, my creativity, regular meals, exercise. 

I find when I break with this I don’t get divine madness – just insanity. 

Prior to covid I did travel a little mainly to visit sites in the Welsh myths or places associated with my patron God, Gwyn, such as Glastonbury Tor and Cadair Idris. This resulted in some insights and inspiration but 99% of my awen comes from having a regular prayer, meditation and journeywork practice and from simply slogging away at my keyboard in an old fashioned writerly way.

A good many of my answers to prayers and the visionary nuggets at the core of my best poems and stories and the novels I am working on have come when I’m out running or walking locally or in the early hours in bed at home. 

For me becoming a nun of Annwn has been a homecoming not a going away.

Home from conservation and ecology work that took place on a combination of local nature reserves, wastewater treatment works and residential properties but also took me as far away as Manchester, Cheshire, and the Wirral.

Home to my room, my monastic cell, in the house I live in with my parents, which I have only moved away from twice since we moved there when I was four.

Home to our garden where I tend and grow wild and cultivated plants and herbs.

Home to my body and to learning about what with proper nourishment it can do. How far it can run, what weights it can lift, what shapes it can bend into.

Home to a life of devotional creativity centred on my relationship with Gwyn.

There’s a place for going away but also a greater need for coming home. For accepting ourselves as ourselves, for knowing not only our extremes but our limits.